It's usually punches or kicks, but when I don't rise to that, like I'll just ignore him to not give him any attention, he will bite me. Well done for coming forward. However like you, I can't. I find myself wanting to love them but I just can't. I am a 38 year old single mum to 2, aged 4 and 6. I don't have much more to add than what had been good advice so far, but you may find when he has to put his hand in his pocket to feed and clothe her and take her to and from school every day (a 12 mile journey is a real trek and it's a toss up as to who gets bored of it first), he's less keen for her to live … She is almost 10 and has left deep cut marks in her 2 year old sisters back (new partner who came along when eldest was young who she thinks is her real dad. I'm starting to feel resentful and I don't look forward to spending time in my home anymore. Zoe, you have done everything you can to seek help and support from services to try and help this situation and find a way forward. Until this day happens, live a full life. I have tried every parenting tip in the book, form nice to cross. I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. You name it, I've tried it and it doesn't change a thing. They are only like they are towards you with the abuse because they feel horrible inside and project it onto you. They were hard to say. 4. She doesn't settle until gone 11pm at night. I have had to give up work because I was constantly late because of her. What a really sad post this was to read - well done you for having the courage to write so honestly about how you're feeling. Kids pick up on these things and usually play up/out to it... so try getting some help to see if you do have depression and get his behavior sorted... that may be the best resolve for you. As it turns out, she looked just like her father from the day she was born. I know that if I say no to him then I've got some sort of attack coming to me. Nothing I did seemed to soothe my baby and I didn't feel a connection to her at all. I remember once I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I threw out those words to someone. It was always obvious that she was different but it took a lot of fighting with GPs to be referred for a diagnosis. But it sounds like you’re stuck between 2 different lives-1 as mummy and 1 as the new you who has the freedom to do what she wants now you’re free of your abusive past. I didn't get those precious first moments with my baby, my mum did. my mom and dad are still married but they argue a lot. I hope you can find some support that will help you. My son can be an evil little bleep, and my daughter is just unable to control her behaviour. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. She has put holes in my doors, broken my things, she screams and she wails strange, haunting wails and NOTHING I ever say or do changes anything. He's a good kid, typical 5 year old who is complete bum hole at times but he does everything I ask of him with very little fuss but I just can't seem to love him, it sounds completely stupid but I am so cold hearted these days that I couldn't care less if he is here or not and I feel awful about it but It's true, I can't wait for him to go to bed (which he does without argument) , I can't wait for him to go to his dads but when he does I sit around feeling so lonely and usually go out clubbing purely to fill the time! Many of the other posts on here about others who are struggling to get any enjoyment out of being a mum, seem to be coming from women who are the mothers of babies, where it can usually be linked to post natal depression. It's clear from what you write that you love your son. If your children are still kids, you have a chance to stop the patterns now. I just feel like everyone would be better off that way. If you're facing this situation, the following article discusses ways to help you understand where your child is coming from and how you can cope with the changes. I'm really embarrassed when he behaves like this in front of my friends or family, because I worry they will start to dislike him too and think of him badly. If they are bored they will get up to things. I feel like a freak, like a horrible, unnatural mother, a disgusting excuse of a woman. TBH, 4 years is fine with me... except when they are being bad! You have been severely abused and this has lead to you not loving yourself which is being projected onto your son as the cause. olds, 1-8yrs old, my father passed away about 8 yrs. Working through the abuse you've been through and learning to love yourself would probably help wonders. A place to let off steam and receive support from other Netmums. You have been severely abused and this has lead to you not loving yourself which is being projected onto your son as the cause. I want you to want to live. Have you been back to your GP to discuss your concerns over her suicidal thoughts? I suppose I'm just looking to see if anyone else has every felt anything similar, otherwise I must just be a terrible person :(. She also bangs around in her bedroom and makes noise to wake her baby sister up despite us BEGGING her to stop and BEGGING for some chill out time as grown ups without having to look after kids just for a couple of hours in the evening. You do Love your son your just disappointed in going it alone and hence why you don’t put effort into your time with him. If your child announces that they want to live with your ex, it can bring up a mix of emotions—even if the announcement doesn't come as a total surprise. The Mix offer counselling sessions for children from the age of 10, but this is via a web chat service and gives her up to 8 sessions which last 50 minutes each. If you don't want or can no longer meet your responsibilities call child services and discuss what options there are for your child. How do I tell my friend her child is a brat!??! You see his good points, you shield him from when you're not feeling good and not thinking good things. You need to do this not only for you for your son because to him you are the most important person in the world so yes...someone does love you and that love won't ever end like a relationship can. I haven't a clue what I am doing here but I just don't know where to turn as a daren't admit this to anyone I know! We don't go out much because she causes such a HUGE ridiculous fuss and by the time we manage to get her out the door we are so p&£sed off and bringing her is like bringing a black cloud. I don't know what to do. my mum rarely drunk anymore. My home is my sanctuary. Hi Jenny, I'm Loraine, one of the netmum's parent supporters. My x offers no support with the children financially or otherwise and has very little to do with them, but apparently that is my fault, because I supposedly stop him from seeing them. You do Love your son your just disappointed in going it alone and hence why you don’t put effort into your time with him. Not all adult children partake in substance abuse, but many do. I am 46yrs old, married for 28 yrs., 2 children 1-13yrs. This is something that you should be really proud of. When you least expect it he will come along, all you need to remember is this child isn't going to hurt you like you've been hurt...maybe do small activities with your little boy and build up a stronger bond from where I'm sitting you have trust issues but with your son it's different than any man. I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. See the GP about depression if that is the case and take some proper treatment. Xx. I often feel like I can't make it until my little one's bed time and put her down early (thankfully she goes down well like yours), I can hear myself shouting silently in my head for her to shut up and go away and it can make you feel horrible. I pay for them, make sure they eat healthy food, are doing well at school, put in boundaries and try my best to love them. Could it be that you just haven't received the right medication or talked to the right counsellor for you? I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. You need to find something that makes you feel good about yourself and builds yourself back up. Mc 5 years ago ⭐️. I was watching the program last night about ADHD and getting kids off all the medication. Listen to calming quiet classical or other music and see if they can think about the instruments playing and what the music means. I haven't a clue what I am doing here but I just don't know where to turn as a daren't admit this to anyone I know! I don’t want to be together 24/7. But now he is the total opposite, he has his violent outbursts, is really rude to people and runs away from me in shops and hides. They were using mindfulness meditation to do it and one of the mums there was doing it with her child as bonding time. It may be very hard, but don't get caught up in your feelings. I don’t want to play with them, I did not think that I had to, my mom never did, I played with my sisters. I don't want him. I can complete identify with you. It took practice and to be taught how to do it and several weeks perservering with it. I Don’t Want to Live Anymore. I don't want to live with her anymore. In most states, a child is bound by the parenting agreement until he or she is 18. After a while the happy in the moments all joined up to be happy all the time. 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